so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize