Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
