Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
