I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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