KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
