first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
