They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
