I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
