if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
