you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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