some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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