friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
