I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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