he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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