I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
