It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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