I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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