My Higher Power is John Stamos
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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