Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
