My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
