There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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