It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize