he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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