this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
