I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
