if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
