We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
