dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
