bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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