What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
