If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
