If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
