The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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