I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Randomize
