The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize