My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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