Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
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