Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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