The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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