i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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