Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
