3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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