koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Houston, we have a blender
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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