I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
