i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
