If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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