i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
