I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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