I wish I only lived at night.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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