in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
