even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
