I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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