Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize