If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
