It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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