due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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