I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
