I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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