Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
