Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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