It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
