I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
