ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
