The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
