Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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