Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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